Do any of the above quotes represent what you have been going through? Have you unexpectedly been separated from your children? Were you a once beloved parent who is now despised? I am here to help.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation is when one parent discredits the other parent to a child or children the two share. For example, perhaps mom tells her child that their dad doesn’t love them or want to see them. Or a dad tells his child that their mom prefers her new family (and kids with a new partner) to them.
Accusations can be mild, or they can become incredibly severe. This distorts the child’s perception of the alienated parent, regardless of how great their relationship was with that parent before.
Basically, the parent-child relationship suffers, whether the allegations are true or not. If a child is repeatedly told, for example, that dad is a bad person and doesn’t want to see them — even if it isn’t true — the child may eventually refuse to talk to or see dad when the opportunity arises.
Sometimes, the parent doing the bad-mouthing is called the alienator and the paarent who is the subject of the criticism is the alienated.
Accusations can be mild, or they can become incredibly severe. This distorts the child’s perception of the alienated parent, regardless of how great their relationship was with that parent before.
Basically, the parent-child relationship suffers, whether the allegations are true or not. If a child is repeatedly told, for example, that dad is a bad person and doesn’t want to see them — even if it isn’t true — the child may eventually refuse to talk to or see dad when the opportunity arises.
Sometimes, the parent doing the bad-mouthing is called the alienator and the paarent who is the subject of the criticism is the alienated.
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My name is Dee Allen and I specialize in Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), a set of circumstances where you may have been unfairly and unjustly separated from your child. You may be kept from reasonable visitation or fair custody with your child as well as having your child's perception of you obliterated. This can be an overwhelmingly confusing and excruciating set of circumstances. The pain you are experiencing is justifiable and very real, and you may feel like you have no clue what happened to your relationship with your children. If, after recent turmoil in your relationship with your child's other parent, your relationship with your child or children has gone from loving, connected and close to a relationship where your child fears you, avoids you, or hurls unrealistic negative statements toward you, and is disrespectful towards you, you may be the victim of Parental Alienation. The Alienators are diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and are sociopaths. You may experience your friends and family around you not believing that you are being alienated, and you end up having to act like everything's fine while inside you are absolutely torn apart.
While you are in terrible pain, there are ways to handle parental alienation. I am currently assembling small groups and one on one sessions for victims of PAS. Through the small groups, you can find solace in discussing your situation with people who are struggling with the same problem. If you are interested in one on one sessions, we can focus specifically on how to address the alienation in your life. There are ways to fight back, especially in court. I have accompanied people to court as an expert witness in PAS to begin a process that gets your children back in your life. Similarly, I have written letters to judges to combat alienating parents. The pain you are feeling is very real, but so is the opportunity to regain the relationship you need with your children. I am here to help make that happen. You can learn more about PAS below, or call me now at 1 (317) 251-3804 to receive help immediately.
Dee Allen, Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist (LMFT) and Psychotherapist. I've worked in the therapeutic field for 34 years and I have an MA, M.Div, and STM all in Marriage and Family, PAS, Custody Evaluations and Grief Work.
While you are in terrible pain, there are ways to handle parental alienation. I am currently assembling small groups and one on one sessions for victims of PAS. Through the small groups, you can find solace in discussing your situation with people who are struggling with the same problem. If you are interested in one on one sessions, we can focus specifically on how to address the alienation in your life. There are ways to fight back, especially in court. I have accompanied people to court as an expert witness in PAS to begin a process that gets your children back in your life. Similarly, I have written letters to judges to combat alienating parents. The pain you are feeling is very real, but so is the opportunity to regain the relationship you need with your children. I am here to help make that happen. You can learn more about PAS below, or call me now at 1 (317) 251-3804 to receive help immediately.
Dee Allen, Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist (LMFT) and Psychotherapist. I've worked in the therapeutic field for 34 years and I have an MA, M.Div, and STM all in Marriage and Family, PAS, Custody Evaluations and Grief Work.
What is Parental Alienation?
The Parental Alienation Syndrome (P.A.S) can happen in intact families, however usually it's made most apparent during a custody battle. The family court judges and the divorce lawyers know all about parental alienation and refuse to look at it as child abuse. PAS is the most negative consequence of an increasing number of high conflict divorces. In these cases, children become the victims of a relentless and or destructive "tug of war" between their parents. It is a war where the "enemy" (the alienating parent) is someone whom the children dearly love and depend upon for their needs to be met. For children, PAS is about loss, insecurity, fear, confusion, sadness, hopelessness and despair. In fact, some experts consider PAS to be a form of child abuse because:
source: Solutions4PAS.com
- It robs children of the security provided by the bond they once shared with the targeted parent
- It embeds in children's minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self (i.e. "Mom/Dad never really loved you", "Mom/Dad is dangerous", "Mom/Dad has done inappropriate things to you")
- The process of aligning children against the targeted parent often involves threats, lies, manipulation deprivation and even physical abuse
- Ultimately, it is brainwashing of the children
source: Solutions4PAS.com
Levels of Alienation
Mild
A mild and very common form of parental alienation is when one parent speaks negatively about the other parent, over what might be the smallest of issues, so that a child hears what is being said. This can be somewhat unintentional. Parents may be so upset at each other that they simply don’t realize that they are inappropriately involving a child in adult affairs. Parent education is often needed to teach these parents to have boundaries that protect their children from upsetting feelings. Without such boundaries, parents are contributing to the psychological insecurity of their children.
Moderate
In the moderate category of parental alienation are conflicting parents who exercise little control over their anger and go ballistic when they are upset, without any consideration of how their anger affects other family members. The suffering that this ugly behavior causes children and the target parent is severe.
Severe
Falling into the severe category of parental alienation are those parents who become obsessed with destroying the child’s relationship with the other parent and that parent’s family and friends. Dr. Frank Williams describes this goal of cutting a parent out of a child’s life as a "parentectomy." In these cases, a child will succumb to the alienator’s programming or brainwashing and experience fear, anger, and hatred toward the target parent. When parental alienation is severe enough, children have no choice but to align with the disturbed parent against the target parent, thus destroying their relationship with the target parent. These children no longer have free will or the ability to continue loving the target parent. PAS describes the child’s behavior in response to the brainwashing that has occurred; it does not describe actions on the part of a parent. The focus of this article in on children who are being severely alienated or who are already experiencing PAS.
Source: majorfamilyservices.com
Source: majorfamilyservices.com
Dr. Amy J.L Baker performed a study with 40 adults who were affected by PAS as a child, and she found 5 primary mechanisms that were used to manipulate them
- Relentless bad mouthing of the character of the target parent, in order to reduce their importance and value
- Creating the impressions that the target parent was dangerous and planned to hurt the child, in order to instill fear and rejection of that parent
- Deceiving children about the target parent's feelings for them, in order to create hurt, resentment, and psychological distance
- Withdrawing love if the child indicated affection or positive regard for the target parent, in order to heighten the need to please the alienating parent
- Erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child through minimizing actual symbolic contact